Jeremy Lin Has Created A New Advanced Analytic While Out Of The Lineup With A Hamstring Injury11/28/2016 FTW- That clipboard that Jeremy Lin has been seen writing on during games as he hangs out on the bench while out with a hamstring injury is Lin’s way of staying involved with what’s happening on the court. And it’s not an ordinary stats sheet.
In the New York Times’ Scott Cacciola’s story about Brooklyn Nets head coach Kenny Atkinson, the coach revealed that Lin has created his own “self-styled version of offensive-efficiency statistics.” Lin, the team’s starting point guard, has remained involved by manning a clipboard on the bench during games so he can chart a self-styled version of offensive-efficiency statistics. “Linology,” Atkinson said. “It’s beautiful. It’s his way of showing he cares. He asked me if he could do it, and I said, ‘Yeah, sure.’ And he just does it, and he hands it to me after every game, and then I hand it to — you know, I’m not exactly sure where it goes.” Okay, let's get all the facts out on the table here. Jeremy Lin - the Asian basketball that once spoke out about being racially profiled heading into NBA arenas - has created his own, distinct type of statistic which he decided to name after himself. The Harvard graduate that has a huge problem with being put in a ethnically labeled box decided to use his time on the injured reserve to go 'Good Will Hunting' and start concocting new formulas on a whim. The guy who wants to be acknowledged as more than a representative of his race has begun doing the most cliched thing a member of his race could do - unnecessary math. Talk about breaking the mold. Surely people will realize that Asians are more than exemplary mathletes now that their most accomplished professional athlete instinctively went right back to doing extensive arithmetic the second he was unable to compete on the court. I don't want to say that Jeremy Lin is playing into the very same stereotypes that he's often denounced, but becoming the team's unofficial analytics associate is akin to making red bandanas your newest 'must wear' accessory while growing up on the bad side of town. I have to imagine that this is actually a good thing though. Jeremy Lin is far too intelligent to think he was just going to start doing homework court-side and not fall victim to "ha, look at the Asian doing algebra!" jokes. That means he's given up on trying to shed the preconceived notions he faces because of how he looks and where he went to school. I hope this is a sign that he is finally embracing the entirety of his Asian-ness, because that Asian-ness was at least partially responsible for his once meteoric rise in basketball and it deserves to be celebrated. Even if ferociously scribbling down calculations like he's trying to maintain the highest grade point average within the organization does make people mutter "psssh...typical" under their breath.
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Headline inspired by the one and only...
In the interest of full disclosure, the last thing on my mind prior to Sunday's flat out destruction of Los Angeles' defense was the resentment I felt for the person in charge of it. Personally, I was more focused on the fact that the Rams - no matter what city they've called home - have seemingly been a thorn in the Saints' side ever since Hakim dropped the ball. Now, that's probably because Gregg Williams decision to snitch didn't cost me my employment for an entire season, but after seeing the sense of purpose brought to the sidelines by the man that did have his livelihood put in jeopardy by a cowardly act of disloyalty I couldn't help but to hold the very same grudge. I truly think I had that undeniable hate in my heart for Gregg Williams this whole time, but it took watching Sean Payton's Saban-esque outbursts throughout the entirety of a blowout to elicit it from me. Every over-exaggerated fist pump from the - once disgraced - Saints Head Coach made me empathize with his desperate need to completely embarrass the guy that turned his back on him after they won a Super Bowl ring together. When Willie Snead IV caught a lateral and proceeded to launch a 50 yard touchdown pass that turned a lopsided game into a full-on rout....
...I could almost taste the salt that was being rubbed in the wound of the Judas that valued a minuscule amount of self preservation over the reputation of the person that gave him the opportunity to achieve the biggest accomplishment in his career. Whatever chapter of the book that gadget play was written in was aptly titled 'Revenge', and you couldn't possibly convince me otherwise. It looked like Sean Payton was legitimately aiming to get Gregg Williams fired prior to the 4PM kickoffs, and even that wouldn't have been enough payback for his involvement in the BountyGate nonsense. That was the most ruthless, cold-blooded message that has ever been sent without the exchange of a single word, and it brought a smile to face of every Saints fan that suffered through the miserable experience of having an offensive line coach take over their team just prior to a previously promising season. I guess this just means there's only one question left for the Benedict Arnold that popularized the saying "kill the head and the body will die", what dies when you kill a man's spirit?
Now, what does that win mean going forward? Not too much as far as I can tell. Everyone should have already known that Sean Payton is one vengeful son of a bitch considering the way he speaks about Goodell, so I wouldn't say we really learned anything new. The Saints are far better than the teams that surround them in the standings. Their offense is downright frightening when it's not turning the ball over. Their defense has become one of the best in league at making halftime adjustments. Their special teams is a work that might finally be out of regress. Their playoff hopes are still minuscule and depend on them being something they haven't been all season - consistent. However, let's take the week to bask in this victory. Not just because it was a well deserved one, but because it was one that came at the expense of someone that was complicit in marring the resume of this franchise at the worst possible time. Plus, what good is the 'Circle Of Life' if we can't celebrate when it comes back around and bites someone in the ass?
What's that you say? The Devils have been playing a wide open, free flowing brand of hockey? It has resulted in goals - for and against - by the bunches? So many goals, in fact, that there was even a few left over for an anemic power play that had been producing nothing more than two minute migraines for those emotionally invested in it's success? Gee, that sounds swell. Nothing wrong with loosening the reigns and playing a more entertaining style of puck, right? Wrong. So, so very wrong. The four points the Devils managed in the last three games are a falsehood. A facade. An inexcusable performance parading around as an acceptable effort because it benefited from a half-decent result. The sense of optimism that one could get potentially gain from looking at the increase in their 'Goals For' is all-too-comparable to the increase in self-confidence a man could get from looking at his junk immediately after trimming up around the shaft. It's merely an illusion. Your dick doesn't grow two inches by getting a haircut, and the Devils offense didn't become a juggernaut by cutting down on any and all forms of discipline. Mike Cammalleri - as magnificent as he has been since his return - isn't going to put up 8 points every 3 games. The shooting percentage that has kept them in matchups in which they've been vastly outplayed? A product of fortunate circumstances. The lack of structure that has plagued their collective game recently is just as conducive to short term success as it is to long term success, which is to say that it just fucking isn't. There's simply nothing okay about quickly going down three goals to the Toronto Maple Leafs. As a fan of the Devils, I didn't find the inability to close out an important period against the Detroit Red Wings to be all that compelling. Getting swaddled to the tune of FIFTY (49, but we're just going to add an "uncounted" one for dramatic effect) shots against from the Pittsburgh Penguins isn't what I consider exciting. I'm all for high scoring affairs, but not if it comes at the expense of watching all-world talents like Auston Matthews and Sidney Crosby stand alone in front of the net with literally nothing to worry about other than how they are going to make an inevitably easy goal look more impressive. The pleasure I derive from seeing the number '4' or '5' next to 'NJ' is counteracted by watching them make their own goaltenders look bad by getting steamrolled in their own end. Getting to pump my fist once or twice more per 60 isn't worth the sheer frustration caused by witnessing sloppy turnovers, shorthanded chances against, and extended periods of flat out futility. The Devils - especially sans Taylor Hall - aren't anywhere near skilled enough to try to get by on talent alone. They need to play systematic hockey and they need to play within themselves. If that means more 2-1 wins like one they picked up in Dallas nearly two weeks ago then so be it. I think I speak for most educated Devils fans when I say I would rather be "bored" by the execution of that game plan than "stimulated" by it's complete and utter failure - even if the latter does net them a loser point or two from time to time. Post-Game Scrum:
Bryant's remarks:
Norman's response:
Wait just a minute..."unload the clips"? Was that a...::audible gasp::...reference to gun violence?! Unreal. I can't believe it's gotten to the point where professional football players from unfortunate backgrounds that play the most physically demanding sport on Earth have begun trying to intimidate each other with hypothetical weaponry. Especially when it was almost certainly unprovoked. Kinda reminds me of that time that one player was on the field waving a 'Louisville Slugger' at his opponent before - allegedly (Also See: Definitely) - slinging homophobic insults at him throughout the entirety of the game. Anyone remember what that guy's name was? It's sort of escaping me at the moment. Well, whoever he was, his half-hearted threat of a hate crime wasn't nearly as bad as Dez Bryant talking about packing his proverbial heater and toasting Josh Norman's ass worse than he did on this particular play...
Poor guy. Did you see how flustered he looked during his postgame speech? It's like the concept of going over the line while talking shit was completely foreign to him. Like he has never heard anyone say anything that might be construed as inappropriate, or even illegal, off the field while still on the field. That big old bully Dez Bryant just corrupted his mind by talking about potential criminal activity before, during, or after a game. Good on Josh Norman to take the high road here. I bet he didn't even need to hop from unfamiliar pedestal to unfamiliar pedestal to get up there either. He may an overpaid, exposed cornerback but he totalllllllly doesn't have an unforgivably hypocritical qualities, and that's way more important than simply letting his lackluster play speak for itself.
I've Never Been More Ready For Anything Than I Am After Watching This HS Football Team Get Hyped11/25/2016
Well shit, I'm ready. Are you ready? Better rewind that video and get on your damn feet because I am going to need someone else to make me into a "we". I think everyone that didn't set their alarm for "auto-snooze button" o'clock just to swim move and bull-rush their way to 25% off Christmas shopping can agree that the day after Thanksgiving is a national day of non-readiness that compares favorably to the Monday following the Super Bowl. Yet here I am just about ready to run through a brick wall in search of...well...something to get ready for I guess. Maybe I'll even get dirty in the trenches of late afternoon 'Black Friday' shopping just to rid myself of the adrenaline this high school football team just streamlined directly into every single one of my veins. I don't even know who won this game, but I know I already feel bad for whoever "y'all" happens to be in this scenario. I quickly re-considered making this clip my pre-blog pump-up music because I would end up pounding the keys into submission faster than Hurricane Matthew. I would have to buy the plot next to Steve Jobs to bury my MacBook if more than one article I wrote was inspired by Archie Eversole and his live a cappella group. I don't know much, but I know that one-hit-wonder is sitting somewhere smirking while watching this video of teenagers honoring his life's work by acting like they just blew a line of coke off the empty 20 ounce can of Red Bull they just shotgunned. Then again, it's a pretty big assumption that his heart didn't just completely give out after performing this song live on tour. Either way, thank you Archie... Cue The Seinfeld Theme: Drake's Athletic Trainer Was Fired For Peeing In A Tub And Owning Up To It11/23/2016 DeadSpin- Drake University’s head athletic trainer says he was fired in September after he peed into a tub, cleaned it, and told the athletic director. Scott Kerr, who worked for the school for 31 years, said that he had a medical condition which required him to drink a lot of water and, in turn, pee a lot. On Aug. 29, the 61-year-old was alone cleaning a metal whirlpool when he needed to pee. Kerr’s attorney Jerry Crawford said that Kerr decided to pee in the tub since he wouldn’t make it to a bathroom, then scrubbed the tub with bleach to clean it. Kerr later divulged what had happened to athletic director Sandy Hatfield Clubb—why he would share this with anyone if he cleaned up after himself is inexplicable—but not only did Clubb disapprove, she allegedly told Kerr that he should have peed himself instead, like she once did. I am going to surprise people by saying this, but this is absolutely, without question a fireable offense. No, not the urinating down a communal drain a part. I don't care if this dude literally stepped over the toilet while spitting into it en route to pissing in the tub, and neither does George Constanza. Facts are facts and the exaggerated version of Larry David said it best, "pipes are pipes". I'm not afraid to pee in the shower nor am I ashamed to tell others that peeing in the shower - for whatever reason - actually feels more relieving than peeing in the object that's built specifically to dispose of human waste. The mistake this dude made wasn't letting it rip in someone else's bathroom and doing the most honorable job of cleaning it up that any man ever has. His mistake was telling someone about it. Of course this dude got canned. He works in collegiate athletics and he can't even keep his own relatively innocuous secret? How the hell is he to be expected to stay quiet about every one of the university's shady business procedures happening behind closed doors? You think there's dudes at Baylor boasting about their shower stream? That would have gotten them terminated with the quickness considering all the things they had to keep on the D-est of L's. An athletic trainer with a weak bladder isn't a problem, but the same can't be said about an athletic trainer with a weak bladder and loose lips. Pissing in the tub is as common as an unspoken practice can be, but putting a voice to it is almost as taboo as shitting in the tub. An 11 Year Old Girl Busted Her Own Assailant After Her Parents Didn't Believe She Was Molested11/23/2016 Metro- A young girl whose parents did not believe she was being abused by a 71-year-old man has managed to bring him to justice. The 11-year-old used a recording device to catch David Peckett making sexual advances.
He told the girl: ‘You’re gorgeous. When am I going to get my kiss? You’re lovely. I fancy you. Don’t you fancy me?’ A court heard that Peckett, from Guisborough, east Cleveland, tried to separate the girl from two friends and asked her on a ‘treasure hunt’ with him in his car. When one of the others asked if she could join them, he said there was no room in his people carrier. However, Peckett was spared jail at Teesside Crown Court because of his ill health and previous good character. He was handed an eight month prison sentence suspended for 18 months and put on the sex offenders’ register for ten years. First and foremost...ew. How the hell is this dirtbag spared a cell? He needs to be put behind bars and sentenced to a pillaging by 1,000 dicks. A 71 year old that gets busted trying to make out with an 11 year old shouldn't get let off the hook for the 70 years he spent not trying to make out with an 11 year old. Since we are talking about child molestation and not moving violations can we maybe be a little less cavalier with the punishments? Give the guy an official warning for cruising through a late yellow, not searching for his soul mate at the nearest playground. Maybe I'm being a little too harsh here, but seeing those quotes written out made my skin crawl and I have no time for the sexual advances made by senior citizens towards middle schoolers. Anyway, credit to this girl for catching this grimy old man when her parents wouldn't believe her. Not only does she deserve praise for going 'Harriet The Spy' on some dude that's 20 years too old to realize that technology exists, but she just bought herself at least a few decades worth of the benefit of the doubt. If your Mom and Dad flat out disregard you when you say you have been molested and then you actually prove you've been molested they can't question a single thing you say for the rest of your life. There will be no second guessing of whether or not this girl's homework is completed. There will be no parent-to-parent phone calls made when she says she's studying at Susie's when she's really just giving Susie's brother a hand job in the high school parking lot. I don't care if she comes home smelling like some Baskin Robbins/Dunkin' Donuts-esque Brewery/Crackhouse combo. Her parents no longer have the right to...well...parent. From here on out their soon-to-be-teenage daughter gets to be treated like their soon-to-be-teenage son, and that's the greatest freedom in all the land.
Loose Translation Of Those Tweets: "This guy don't know motherfuckin' comedy I know everything he's got to say against me I am overpaid, It's been 4 years since Cy Young, Pressure situations do make me high strung I did get rocked, by the whole Indians' lineup And the postseason does give me the cold sweats I'm still standing here screamin' FUCK THE INTERNET! Don't ever try to judge me dude, You don't know what the fuck I been through But I know something about you, You got an egg as your picture, that's a busch league move What's the matter troll, you embarrassed? This guy's a comedian? He's staring at his computer screen bare-assed!" Drop the mic David, DROP IT! Nothing disarms your online opponent by admitting your flaws and leaving nameless, faceless people - in most cases, literally - with their dick in their hand as they criticize the same damn failure for the umpteenth time. Now, considering David Price's obscene contract and the fact that a casual baseball fan - such as myself - is well aware of his postseason shortcomings, his pressurized performances probably do warrant a couple cheap shots during the offseason. That said, he found the best possible to counteract anonymous assholes by pointing directly to the biggest blemish of his career - which is undoubtedly his playoff record.
It's not that this kid showed up to a college basketball against the #3 team in the nation with the intent of going viral as his number one priority that bothers me. It's not even the fact that he massively succeeded that is pissing me off. After all, how can I hate on college students for whoring themselves by doing dumb shit in search of attention when that is what singlehandedly keeps the internet in business? He wants to draw eyes to him by pretending to drink a toxic chemical agent whose actual ingestion would incinerate his organs? All the power to him. Judging by his looks I may hate the player, but I don't hate his game. I just need the people that are encouraging this behavior to know that he had ZERO faith in his team when he orchestrated this stunt. This kid had a premeditated scenario planned out in his head, and resigning himself to his team losing by 30+ was absolutely a part of it. I don't think, I know he thought the game was going to be all-but-over, the TV cameras would be scanning the crowd, and they would "just so happen" to catch him chugging "Clorox". I just find it inherently disingenuous that this kid gets the perks of pulling the "look his school is so bad at basketball that it makes that kid want to kill himself!" prank AND the glory of an early season overtime win over a top 5 opponent. The most notorious Fort Wayne fan is one that didn't just think his team was going to lose badly, but had a self promotional online gag set up that he thought required them to lose badly. I don't care that he's getting all the likes, retweets, and shares, but the idea that he gets to do so the morning after a once-in-a-lifetime bender makes me want to put 'Bleach Boy' in a bodybag filled with battery acid.
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Beyonce's 'Let Me Upgrade Ya' Equipment Enhancement Of The Century:
Obviously all Devils fans - residing in Albany and New Jersey - are hoping for a speedy recovery for Scott Wedgewood after going down with a shoulder injury. The most important thing is definitely that he gets back on the ice healthy in a timely manner. That said, I'll be damned if his new mask doesn't have me questioning the sincerity of that previous statement. After all, a promising player sitting out meaningful games is unfortunate, but having a piece of equipment that fresh collecting dust on the shelf is a goddamn tragedy. Wedge Wall's new headwear is so amazing that it makes his previous helmet look like something that should only be worn within the privacy of his own home, and before 5 minutes ago I thought that helmet was one of the best in the game. I mean, I didn't even realize that excellence could be enhanced this much. The infamous quote - that made one Jerry Seinfeld's jaw drop in horror - stamped down the side? The 'DEVILS' graffiti written in a handwriting that only a crazed, fictional fan on a sitcom could perfect? The attention to detail in the facial expression of a person that acts exactly how you would expect someone that paints their face during the playoffs to act? Scott Wedgwood and, more importantly, his artist just put every other professional and semi-professional goaltender on notice. Adapt or die baby. It's the 'Golden Era' of goalie masks, and this new addition to the 'David Puddy Collection' is the current leader in the collective locker room.
I'll admit, at first I thought that this - like almost everything else that takes place on the 'Kiss Cam' - was some fake, forced stunt to get the crowd involved...then I saw the scoreboard. Simply no way that even the attention starved Atlanta Hawks would stage a goddamn celebrity engagement when getting blown out by one of the worst teams in basketball. No reason to try to hype up the fans when they are that disappointed and about two minutes away from trying to beat the traffic. Not only that, but the mannerisms of one Gucci Mane led me to believe that this scene was as legitimate as it gets. He didn't even care what the circumstances were, he was proposing at halftime. You think being down 20+ was going to make him put this public spectacle on hold any longer? Hell no. The goddamn fire alarm could have gone off and he still would have waited until he and his hunny were smack dab in the heart of the 'JumboTron' before damn near shoving the ring in her face and hitting her with the most "...or nah" look of all time. That proposal - in which a rapper didn't even get down on bended knee - was the most "I need to get this shit over with because it's stressing me the fuck out" gesture in history. Remember being a kid and having that nervous energy before asking a girl out because Steve Jobs was a procrastinating piece of shit so it had to be done in person? You'd undoubtedly choose some "now or never" time to do it, and then during that long walk over she would - without fail -start to talk to her friend at the neighboring locker about the Social Studies homework or some shit. Did you let that stop you from interrupting them and awkwardly blurting out some half-handicapped version of what you had actually planned to say? You're damn right you didn't, and that's why Gucci Mane ain't going to let a Hawks no-show stop him from getting that jewelry off his hands. P.S. Thoughts and prayers for this man who just got the full court press put on him by a gangster rapper whose fresh out the clink and has a goddamn ice cream cone tattooed on his face. And during the Holidays, no less... That. Was. Incredible. Seriously, that has to be the most appropriate ending to a game ever considering who was responsible for it. It's almost like it was stolen straight from a script. Well, not an overly successful game script, but definitely the script of some low budget sports parody where the egotistical, enigmatic character plays the "sympathetic" figure and gets rewarded for doing something ridiculously selfish at the worst possible point of the game. In a basketball movie that has the intent of getting laughs instead of tugging on the heart strings, Swaggy P's game winning dagger could be considered thee most perfect climax point. Breaking on the ball like 'Neon Deion' during Prime Time? Intercepting his own teammate with the game on the line? Risking a traveling call by taking so many steps that you'd swear he was trying to get a head start in 'Kill The Carrier'? All of it leading to a contested, off-balance three? That's literally the only way that could have gone down if Swaggy P. was going to play the (anti)hero. You want to see Nick Young momentarily put your team on his back and lift them to victory then you have to be prepared for that second and a half where you put your hands on your head and have that quick look of horror on your face like you're watching the opening sequence of a scary movie. Live by the Swag, Die by the Swag. If Lakers fans want to feel as alive as they have felt in the last 5 years from watching the most unlikely source nail a game clinching triple then they needed to be at risk of their hopes dying a tragic, inexplicable death at the hands of this man... P.S. Knowing that play was completely premeditated to the surprise of literally every other person on his team? Well, that only makes it so much more hilarious to watch...
I don't really have all that much to add. Obviously the main reason that people root against Golden State is because - much like any other team that becomes good out of nowhere - their fanbase is increasingly bandwagon. This kid cheering for both goddamn teams in his home state of Indiana exemplifies that to the highest degree. I get that he's probably not old enough to truly understand the concept of team loyalty, but when he is I want him to look back on this short clip and feel shame. In fact, that's really the only reason I am posting this. I don't harbor any ill will towards him. I just want him to hit puberty and feel embarrassed about having a shirt of an opposing team, getting it signed, and rubbing it right in the face of the team that will probably do their best to turn him into a heavy drinker from age 21 on. It does make me upset that this kid left the building happy after the Pacers lost by damn near 40, but not as upset as it will make him in 10 years when he realizes his off-camera father wanted to leave him in the bathroom after the game ended. This Is The Worst Missed Net In The History Of Sports, But You Have To Appreciate The Intention11/22/2016
This kid's shot may have been a disgrace to the sport of futbol. Trying to rocket an absolute gimme in off the bottom of the crossbar was - without question - an utterly selfish, completely unnecessary move that cost his team a goal in a game that was almost certainly tied 0-0 (what soccer game isn't). I'll tell you what though, I'm willing to give this moron a little bit of credit for risking public shame in an attempt to stand out from the crowd. He surely deserves to be kicked off the squad, but don't say he didn't do his damnedest to move up the ranks. Tap the ball into the empty net after having it gifted to you by an egregious turnover and people are more likely to mock your opponent than they are to praise you. Snipe top corner from an absolutely ludicrous angle after chipping it through the keeper's wickets and maybe people start to take notice of #15. They all look the same on the scoresheet, but Serbia's 3rd Tier scouts aren't calling up 4th Tier talent based on a box score. That's probably because the person keeping track of D-League stats in someone's war-torn backyard is likely asleep at the wheel, but it's also because they want to actually see someone do something mildly impressive before giving them a call up to the C-League.
Someone is going to have to explain this one to me. No, not the call. The call was - for once - actually correct. I would have thrown a kid-in-the-candy-aisle-esque conniption fit if it went against my team too, but at some point you have to stop stomping your feet and accept that you lost 1 out of (at least) 82 games - fair and square. I wouldn't consider myself an expert basketball coach or anything, but I would think it's in your team's best interest for their bitching period to end prior to A WEEK AND A HALF after the fact. As of last night, the Toronto Raptors were still focusing on an embarrassing loss against a bottom feeder. You know what else happened last night? They basically got bullied by the Clippers. That probably would have happened anyway, but I assure you they could have increased their chances of victory against the team that currently has the best record in the league if they weren't still dragging a regular season loss in November through the litigation process. The Raptors play the Houston Rockets tomorrow night and they'll still be awaiting the official word on an appeal that is going to have the same exact outcome as throwing $10,000 cash in the nearest incinerator. Obviously a couple grand would be a worthy investment for a professional basketball team if it stood any chance what-so-ever of overturning the result of a game, but what does Dwayne Casey and Co. think is going to happen? The NBA is going to create a situation that requires international travel just to play out an unnecessary 5 minute overtime? Even if this protest had any legitimacy whatsoever, the league would still throw it out just to save them the hassle of scheduling it. Jesus Christ Toronto, I'd tell you to take your ball and go the fuck home, but you still have half a goddamn road trip to begrudgingly finish out. Might want to spend little more time worrying about that instead of crying over spilled milk damn near until Santa needs it to wash down the Christmas cookies. I gotta be honest here, there's something kind of settling about your team losing a game during the first 3-5 minutes of it. I'm not saying I wouldn't have preferred the outcome against the Sharks to be in doubt until at least midway through the first period, but being keenly aware of the inevitable result hours beforehand makes it much easier to view the rest of the game with a clear head. That sounds like a loser's mentality, but since the Devils played like a bunch of losers last night I feel comfortable saying I was already over the loss well before the first intermission came to it's conclusion. That's slightly depressing considering their quick start to the year, but at least there was no adrenaline to worry about working off when the clock hit zeros well past midnight. The team - or what's left it anyway - simply didn't have it from the puck drop to the lonnnnng awaited buzzer, and that made it easier to accept that they were officially experiencing their first rough patch in the young season. That's not me totally blaming injuries either. No one should have expected things to be easy with Taylor Hall out, never mind when he's joined by Mike Cammalleri, Kyle Palmieri, and Yohann Avitu. Still, I think we should be able to expect a better effort than one that surely had the Devils fans that are smarter than myself adjusting their pillow and calling it a night no more than 20 minutes after the start time of a 10:30 game. Even the short spurts in which they drove play they looked completely incapable of creating scoring chances, but those spurts were too few and far between to simply point at a lack of available talent. Against the Ducks this team proved they can at least compete when they are shorthanded, but that's not going to be the case when they start a game against a superior opponent by giving up a shorthanded goal. The stupid mistakes were early and often and they didn't exactly solve themselves over the course of what proved to be a complete beat down. I suppose the Devils had nowhere to go but back down to Earth after a 5 game winning streak, but there's nowhere to go but up after getting their shit kicked in from whistle to whistle last night. That game could have been 8-0 if it weren't for Keith Kinkaid standing on his head. I know that and - given the praise the Head Coach gave the starting goaltender - I would imagine the the team does too. It's nice to experience rock bottom while having a record that serves as a pleasant surprise to most fans, but it will be very interesting to see how they respond to it with 3 games in the next 5 nights. Just When You Think Baylor Football Has Done It All, Their Associate AD Assaults A Reporter11/22/2016 LBS- A Baylor athletic department employee was arrested earlier this month for assaulting a sports writer following a game, according to a new report.
KWTX reports that Heath Nielsen, who is an associate athletic director at Baylor, is free on bond after being arrested for misdemeanor assault following the Bears’ loss to TCU on Nov. 5. Nielsen is accused of walking up to a sports writer who was taking a photo of a player, trying to knock the phone out of the writer’s hand, and then choking the writer. “About that time they came in and tomahawk-chopped, trying to knock the phone that I had taken the picture with out of my hand. They were unsuccessful in trying to do that, and when they couldn’t do that they came up and they grabbed my throat, and I pulled back. Whenever I looked up I saw that it was Heath Nielsen,” James McBride, the victim, said in a police affidavit. Nielsen has worked at Baylor since 2000. He was in the media relations and communications departments before assuming his current position in 2012. So, we are working under the assumption that the 'Death Penalty' is no longer something that exists in college athletics, right? I never heard anyone with authority offer a formal retraction of it, but since Baylor football is still a thing I am just going to assume that there's no crime they can collectively commit that's punishable by (at least temporary) execution. It's gotten to the point where they are basically summoning Kavorkian bi-weekly to pull the plug on their program and put it out of it's misery. We are talking about a former media relations member from the communications department karate chopping a reporter's phone out of his hand before trying to dispose of him with a Mortal Kombat-esque fatality. Someone that is familiar with keeping his employer out of the negative news cycle was just responsible for an inexplicable headline at the worst possible time. If that's not a sign that Baylor football is laying in bathtub asking to have a toaster dropped in then I don't know what is. It's not just the players raping and pillaging the entire student body. It's not just the terminated President or the disgraced former Head Coach who both enabled such widespread felonious behavior. It's not just the fans that accepted it and even fought back against the ensuing - and relatively light - punishments. It's not even just the Associate AD that can't handle a volatile situation without wrapping his hands around a journalist's neck. Everything that has come anywhere near Baylor football has become infected by it. That's why we just need to burn it at the stake for the sake of those that are at risk of coming into contact with any of it's carriers. After all, anything that can garner this much adverse national news coverage in Waco, Texas needs to be cremated ASAP.
I'm not going to copy J.J. Watt's entire entry from 'The Player's Tribune' on here. For one, it's far too long and exasperating to post in full, but also because somehow I now pity a professional athlete with a 100 million dollar contract so much that I want him to get the clicks he's so desperately begging for by writing it. I think we can all agree that J.J. Watt had become not-so-mildly insufferable with his "look at how great of a guy I am" antics before he was sidelined for the season. I would say he became so insufferable, in fact, that the criticism started to outweigh the praise that he would stop at nothing to whore himself out for. That's why I can't tell if this article is his way of being completely ignorant to that criticism or flat out tongue kissing it on live television. I mean, what I just read was basically what amounts to a manifesto on why I dislike J.J. Watt. I will never say the guy isn't one tough son-of-a-bitch because the list of injuries he rattled off would make the most biased of haters compassionate, but the only reason my eyes didn't roll around in my head as I read the rest of this puff piece on himself was because I wanted to look where I was "shooting" when inducing my own vomit. After sitting back for months with nothing to do but reflect on how polarizing of a figure he has become, how could he still think that publishing this was a good idea? I've always thought that J.J. Watt cared too much about what people thought about him, but how would that explain him spitting this big old self-important loogie right in the face of everyone that's ever called him an insecure narcissist? His 4th grade teacher's husband picking him up from the airport? Documenting a near run-in with losing a limb? Reminiscing - in detail - about his high school days? Listing all of his accomplishments before claiming he would trade them all in to go back to running around in the grass with his friends? I don't want to put 'The Player's Tribune' in a box, but it's generally a place for athletes to talk about the hardships they've faced. J.J. Watt just used it as a place to tell everyone that being hurt really stinks and he'll be back and better than ever next year unless he finds a time machine that can transports him back Pop Warner. It's like he sat down and said "Oh, you think my public image is nauseating? You ain't seen nothing yet!", and I think that means his full transformation into his cringeworthy public image is damn near complete.
FTW- The Raiders practically played a home game Monday night at Estadio Azteca in Mexico City, but a homophobic soccer chant still made a clear appearance during kickoffs.
The “puto” chant has been a consistent source of controversy for the Mexico national soccer team and its supporters. The chant, which is a homophobic slur, is shouted at the opposing goalkeeper during goal kicks. When the Texans kicked off on Monday after a field goal, the chant was picked up by the ESPN broadcast. In October, FIFA fined the Mexican football federation $30,600 for the supporters’ use of the chant. According to ESPN, it was the fifth time in 11 months that FIFA had penalized the federation for the offense. According to an ESPN spokesperson, ESPN had not made any specific audio adjustments that would ensure the chant couldn’t be heard on TV. But it is something the network will continue to discuss as a production team going forward. The NFL was also aware of the issue on Monday. Hey, isn't the whole point of these out-of-country games to familiarize ourselves with other cultures. Well, that and exploiting them financially by taking advantage of the fact that they don't realize the NFL's product is largely overpriced garbage. Fine, it's mostly the latter. Whatever, still interesting to learn that South America is so against the gay that they show up in droves and collectively chant homophobic slurs at - well - no one in particular. Technically it was directed at the Texans which, all things considered, is pretty goddamn ironic, but it's not like there's any legitimate reason to go the sexuality route when no one on the field openly identifies with the sexuality being mocked. So personally - as a heterosexual white male - I am more confused than outraged. Definitely seems strange to rally around the use of a word whose equivalent would be shunned in the United States, but who am I to question another country's sports traditions? What was ESPN supposed to do, mute the entire fucking crowd? I hate on the NFL for a lot of things, but - with the amount of Tecate consumed by those in attendance - trying to drowned out tens of thousands Mexican Raiders fans during a night game was simply a fruitless task. Plus, what's the harm? A couple homosexuals realize they would feel super uncomfortable at a soccer game South of the border? I would think that utterly distasteful chant could serve as fair warning to the type of people that weren't given one when they showed up to Trump rallies feeling like they were in some archaic foreign land. I guess ESPN could have aired complete silence during the kickoff, but the NFL captures enough unenthused spectators during their London broadcasts. Have to make it look like someone outside the 50 states cares about their product. I'd say letting the viewing audience know that the fans were actually invested in the game is more important than censoring a word that most didn't even know was offensive until we were told after the fact. So Brandin Cooks Has No Idea What The Quote He Posted On Instagram Is Supposed To Mean, Right?11/21/2016
"I live for the nights I don't remember with the people I won't forget ? @drewbrees #shootyourarrows"
Listen, I love Brandin Cooks. The kid is a flat-out baller that plays way bigger and more physical than his actual build should allow him to. He does all the right things, he generally says all the right things, and he displays the type of maturity that you want to see out of a 23 year old who is somehow already the trusted "veteran presence" in an unbelievably talented receiving core. Unfortunately, all those things kind of go hand-in-hand with him being an overly religious dork. That's great for fans that want to see the players they root for excel on the field, but it's not so great for the few, the proud, and the alcoholic that would rather see the players they root for plop down next to them on a barstool. That's why I have no choice to believe that Cooksy just heard this quote one time and ran with it instead realizing what it actually means. Either this was a super edgy concussion joke from a person who likely praises the Lord for leading him to the toilet prior to taking his morning piss, or someone doesn't realize that "nights I don't remember" refers to drunken bingers that result in morning hangovers and the hardly pieced together tales that come with them. It's usually never safe to assume what some of your favorite athletes are like away from the field. That said, there's a better chance of me running a sub-4.3 and blowing the top off an NFL secondary than there is of Brandin Cooks being woken up on Brees' couch by his litter of children and asking Drew "man, what the hell happened last night?". I'm glad he'll never forget his current teammates because it means that the Saints locker room is much more cohesive than their special teams unit would have you believe. However, I would like to think that - barring some brutal career threatening head injuries - he won't have too much trouble remembering the nationally televised nights he spent with them either. That's why we'll just chalk this one up as a relatively innocent professional athlete using an AIM away message out of context. |
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